I think most know that my hubby is a pastor, so from week to week he preaches. People do ask if I get anything out of his sermons, and how they affect me and so on. Well he doesn't "practice" them on me or anything so when everyone is hearing it for the first time I am too! and yes, God speaks to me through them, and God always shows my hubby something in the scripture for our everyday lives, and he has a good way of applying it all to the NOW! I guess i would say that it is very relevant preaching! Well recently he preached on trust and faith, and how we need to make sure our trust in God is concrete, bc we cant get by on just faith. When all else SEEMS to fail us, it is our trust in God that pulls us through sometimes. yes we need the faith to back everything up, but its that trust that wont ever fail us! Its like trusting people or that your job wont "fail" you or that your spouce wont leave you, etc. Well this sermon made me really think about trusting God and how when we trust HIM HE is faithful in return! He keeps His promises and we can and should never forget how faithful our God has been!! How does all THIS tie into an ultrasound you ask?? well i will get to that shortly after I tell you about the ultrasound itself... loll the suspense right?? lol Well Monday i had my ultrasound and I am 36 weeks since sunday. I found out that I was 3-4 cms dilated last week Tuesday so that was something new to tell the tech. She was all excited for us, (this was the 2nd time or so that we saw this tech and she is just so nice and wonderful!!!) They did the ultrasound and it is always nice seeing the baby and hearing the heart beat etc. Well usually they ALWAYS give pictures to us of the face and so on. Well the girl is so far down that she couldnt get a shot of the face. She barely got the head measurements! So she got all the measurements for the girl and moved to the boy, he is still head to the side, bum in middle and feet up. Which isnt considered breach at least but is transverse (or something like that). The we saw that yes again, they are still a girl and a boy and the girl will be coming out first. Their heart rates were good, no concerns about that at all. The thing that seemed to take the longest was they need to see a certain amount of movement from BOTH of them. Well the girl is VERY active. and the boy is more laid back and does not move as much as she does. So she tried to get him to move by poking and moving and then trying to get her to kick him etc. While she was doing this we got to see them practice breathing which is really neat! Their little rib cages move and no other tech has showed us that before the twins. But he finally moved and she was happy! lol This time she said that the doc would be back to see us... which i never see the doc (he is the high risk pregnancy doctor but really nice and actually the best doc that i have ever had to see before!) I didnt know if they were concerned about weight bc that was all that we had to really find out was approximately how big they were. we wait a few minutes and he comes in. and tells us that everything looks good, they are moving and they are doign great! We ask about the weights and he said that the girl is about 6 lbs and the boy is 5 lbs, but that wasnt concerning him at all bc they both gained a good amount and since last ultrasound and they are not concerned but with the weight difference and the boy weighing less than the girl it will be easier to have him after she comes out! So that it is actually a good thing. I said great. Ryan was there so he was able to ask some questions too, (he never met this doc before!) I asked about my previous apt with MY doc and how she told me that she DOESNT deliver breech babies and if they considered transverse to be more breech or what? HE said that the concern with that is that the idea is: baby A comes out and baby B flips from head to side, to head down and they are able to deliver him no problems. That is the idea! the only thing is which way is HE going to flip!? If he flips the one way he will be head down if he turns the other way he will be breech and my idea of having a normal delivery stops there and they do a c section. He has always said that as long as baby A was head down he would have no issues with deliveriing my baby B in a breach postion bc i have already had three normal vaginal deliveries and with twins usually being smaller than the normal "singleton"(as they call it) it is easier to deliver a breech baby, BUT you always want ot make srue that the person delivering the baby is comfortable with doing a breech birth! My doc isnt i told him and she strickly told me SHE DOESNT! so at that point i felt kinda stuck, but God always knows us, and He loves us and I believe He wants to "give us the desires of our hearts"! For me that desire is a normal birth, no drugs and two healthy babies! Well at that point it seemed like well i guess we shall see what happens until the high risk pregnancy doc spoke up he said for me and my situation he wouldnt be 100% sure that a c section would be safer than a vaginal breech birth! He said that in my case it might be safer to do a breech birth especially siince it was my 4th and 5th birth and twins are normally smaller, so he offered his services and his wifes too! If there is no one there who is comfortable doing a breech birth He will personally come and deliver baby B for me!! And if his wife is on call (they have kids so he would be able to come in, but she is good and comfy with breech as well!) she will come and do it! He gave us his card and told me to tell the hospital staff that they can call him or we can too! ISNT GOD AWESOME!! THis man has been such a blessing to us and he doesnt even know how much! but jsut through it all I see GOd'd faithfulness! My trust in HIM has grown through the years and His faithfulness has never failed!! He is a good God and I know that all is ok, bc He has me in the palm of His hand. He is a loving father who wants the best for us, but also wants to show us "yes i am here, yes I love you trust me and I will show you my faithfulness!" Each day I learn to trust Him more and more!!! Even through a pregnancy and birth process God is with us ladies!!! God cares about us and our babies and the whole process!! I will be able to have a great birth for my twins! As long as nothing comes up i wont need a c section  and I am jsut trusting in the Lord that nothing will come up! Ok, better get going, this is REALLY long so if you stuck it out to the end, God bless  you! lol

I am good. But after being dilated 3cms for almost a week now, I can DEFINITLY feel it! They seem so low! and some days it does feel like they will fall out! lol I know they wont but thats what it feels like. I am almost 36 weeks (tomorrow i will be) and at they could come whenever. 36-37 weeks is the average for when twins are born. I have my next ultrasound monday, if i make it to then! My mom in law wants me to do jumping jacks so they come today! Its her birthday! I dont know, yesterday i really thought they might come but then today the pressure this morning was hardly there, but now this afternoon its back!  so who knows. They will come when they want and ready! I am not going to rush it, but I want them to come. Excited to see what they will look like, how big they will be, etc. I also got the last things that i needed for them the other day at the store so that is good! I feel totally ready now! i guess that is waht i really needed to do, jsut finish getting everything. I dont know. The room is ready and looking good. The clothes are hung or in the droor and separated by boy/girl and size! THe other night I was VERY emotional! Everyone at churhc was making sure i was ok, and I really dont know what was wrong! lol I said I was ok, and it had to be the hormones, but they never really affected me like that before. the whole day I couldnt stop crying, and of course it was a church day! lol Oh well, it happens. But after that i have been great with my emotions, they havent gotten the best of me again! lol Well, need to go and get some other stuff done! Blessings all! I will contiinue to update as things happen!

I find myself lately in a whirl of emotions. Hence the title! lol. As it gets closer and closer to the time when the babies will come you always start to think about the whole scope of things. I am soo excited about having these twins!! I want to see what they will look like, how they will be the same and how they will be different. I am excited for the boys to meet them, they have been soo excited going through this as a family. They are a bit older now and understand a bit more this time around. They were able to see them at a couple ultrasounds, and hear the heart beat. They know there are real, living babies inside mommmy's tummy! (they have asked how they come out, but we dont go there yet! 4 and 3 (and almost 2) are a bit too young to know EVERYTHING!) (Caleb asked if my tummy will explode when they come out, i said no hun it wont.lol so he knows mommy will be ok through it all) So there is this very excited and anxious part of all the emotions. But it doesnt end there... never does. Bc when you have twins and are adding twins to the family there is a NEW feeling of .... hmmm... not anxiety, um.... (tryign to find the RIGHT word here....) apprehention.... that might be a good word.... Yeah... lol. SO there is this new aspect that i had with the others bc you always have to find wayt to readjust when adding another member to the family. I know that when i wake up I will have the boys to get ready and feed etc, and then the babies too! But it goes past that a bit jsut bc being in the position we are in (senior pastor, pastor's wife) we will have people coming in and out, which i am totally fine with, but i will want to look my best too! so getting to a point where I can get them ready and myself ready will be interesting lol. I know that my husband does have responsibilities to others as well, (me too for that matter to a different extent though...) He will be taking a couple weeks off which will be good. And we have a church family behind us, so that is nice. So when i do think about it it isnt bad, but there are a couple aspects to think about as well. I am up in the air about HOW to feed the twins. Yes, i know that "breast is best" believe me I hear it weekly at the doc's apt now! I know the health benefits, I konw that yes, maybe at night it might be easier to jsut hook 'em up to me instead of grabbing a bottle..... I know it all. BUT there are two this time. I have never had great success at it, and then with people coming in and out, me having to feed the babies ALOT and making sure that they get enough.... It takes time with one, let a lone two! Then with people coming in and out, yes people would understand but feeding for a good hour then having to feed every 3 hours... i would always be feeding! When would I be able to take  care of my others if i am always feeding. If i was to bottle feed people could help feed the babies. Yes i would like to feed them mostly for the bonding, but i do want the babies to bond with ryan, and I want the boys to feel like they are helping by holding a bottle while i hold the baby or something... you know? I guess i feel like it could be more of a family bonding thing if i bottle feed, and also people might come to see them and pick up a bottle while i am making a meal for the others or something.... And yes, the idea of trying to feed two SCREAMING babies... that is a daunting thing too. lol. I pray for good natured babies. I prayed that for all my babies, Isaac wasnt that well natured lol. He was my BIG cryer and he could CRY! lol. SO i konw that each kid is different. I know that this time around it will be different with two, and the docs dont help bc they tell you of course that you should at least try etc... I have always tried, and we ran into issues more times than not! SO i know what way i am leaning, but we shall see, the docs always like to talk you into trying for a while. but they like to push the issue too, and now a days it seems like if you decide not to more docs, etc will look at you different, or they will make you feel bad about it. bc i have been feeling the pressure at the docs apts, bc i tell them how it is,that i DONT KNOW if i want to and why! I get the same speach from them all! lol. UGH. well, i guess there are really only a couple things that I  have issues with. lol. One BIG one, and yes, need to decide soon! lol. Who knows when they will come! SO yes, i am really excited!! More excited than any other feeling, but every  now and then as a mom you can doubt yourself and how you are doing. My hubby said something good one time when i was feeling down and doubting myself. He said "hun, you are doing a good job! the boys are healthy, they are loved, they have everything they NEED! but they also love God, are interested about God and ask us about God and talk to Him directly on their own and have a great sense of God! you are doing a good job!" So everytime I do doubt myself (which satan loves to let happen and let little thoughts inside) I remember that the boys DO love GOd, and they love praying and they everynow and then will just look up to to the sky and say "God, I love you! Mommy God answered me! He said He loves me too!" So AWESOME! I also think of the time when we were driving and Caleb (my oldest) said "mommy! I see God! and He is looking right at me!" I told him that yes, God is always watching us and is always with us! So i guess this is long enough and if ANYONE reads the entire thing... I give you props! lol Blessings all!